I am an artistic, creative person. I love writing, music and drawing. I am a drummer, and I also record some of my songs on guitar, bass, and vocals. I want to be a screen writer and an English teacher (almost done with my English degree!). I love figure drawing, and my significant other will definitely be a model for me. It is so attractive when a girl is actually interested in my music, or writing, or anything I am doing because I love sharing it with people close to me. This helps put bdsm into perspective for me. I have a pretty creative approach. Not as in "innovative," but as in my focus being on building up my partner. A submissive/slave is like a canvas, a chunk of clay, or whatever metaphor helps one to understand. I want to shape them into something that makes my life and theirs better. I am a sadist. My partner has to be able to put up with at least a little pain, but pushing past their limits will make me very happy, regardless of where those limits actually are. Another note on art and sadism. I am an anarchist. I don't believe that I need political and social restraints to achieve morality. I also feel that people as a whole could reach a state of harmonious coexistence on their own, even if that future is a long way off. Some authority I have the power to resist, some I cannot yet, and others I may never be able to overcome. These feelings often seem at odds with my desire to put myself in a position of physical and moral dominance over another (I swear I am about to get back to art and sadism like I promised). When it comes down to it, my expectations and values are correct. Failure to live up to standards I create (which will not be too taxing in most cases) will result in punishment. Does the anarchist in me like punishing someone for breaking the few rules I establish? No, but the sadist does. I would, however, much rather inflict pain in an artistic manner. When I sit down at the drum set do I know what I am going to play? Sometimes. The rest is improvisation--not randomness, but variations, themes, and moods. If i want to inflict pain on my submissive, it does not have to be because she broke some rule. It is because she is my little drum set. Does that make any sense?
To sum up my attraction to bdsm (and the nonconformist in me hates even associating my feelings with a big community or a title): I want to Dominate because I am correct, and I want to inflict pain because I like it. Both of these things fuel my need to create.
I really hope that gives you an idea of what drives me. If anything seems a little vague, that's because it is partially based on things that have and have not worked for me in relationships that have not worked out. I haven't met the right person yet, so it's hard to tell prospective right-people exactly what they have to be like. I am pretty laid back and accepting of others and I can simply imagine too many possible futures to cover them all here. However, some basics that any woman I am with pretty much has to have: Honesty--I want to open my life up to her, her's needs to be fairly open to me. Intelligence-- I am pretty smart. I have a good grasp of many things and the ability to pick others up quickly. If she can't keep up with me on some of it, she will come off as dumb, I will always sound condescending, and neither one of us will be very happy. Humor-- we need to be able to laugh together. The only way I get to the end of the day is by putting life's dismal little ironies into some sort of dry, sarcastic perspective. She needs to appreciate that and give me a perspective to appreciate in return.
Faithfulness-- I am possessive and will not be screwing around, ever. Neither will she. (What if she is attracted to girls and can't give that up? We'll talk about it.) Sobriety-- She really cannot be an alcoholic or a drug addict. Want a beer with dinner? Sure. Glass of wine at the restaurant? I'll buy it. That's about it. What use is submission if she is not in a state of mind and body to give it to me? Hard drugs are a firm 'no.' Pot is not something I will ever to do with her so if she needs to do it often that's going to be a problem. Cigarettes are pretty much a bad thing. Need help and discipline quitting? Of course! Need to light up every hour? My throat can't handle being around that. Healthy-- I am not going to be attracted to someone who can't at least begin to take care of themselves (I can't do everything for her!) Obesity just doesn't do it for me. I need to lose some weight, and it's totally cool if she does too, but not so much that we can't enjoy life together. Neither is force-feeding an anorexic my idea of foreplay. That sort of hits on emotional issues too. I try to be a helpful, nurturing person to those I care for, but there is only so much I am going to be able to help a young woman through. If she is not ready for commitment, that will be a problem because I am ready (it's only defining said commitment into a neat little box I dislike). She needs to have all her body parts in working order. Red hair is a plus (dying is good too). Curves are a plus (the good kind). Glasses are awesome (even fake ones). Pretty faces are very important to me also. Personality means far more than looks, but I think of it this way: I have a Clash and a Misfits CD on the front seat of my car. They always will be. Sometimes things do come down to aesthetics and taste.
I hope I informed you. I hope I illuminated you. I hope I inspired you. Yours, ApathyRomance
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