A Bottle of MerlotA man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually
attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, "This is from the
gentleman who is seated over there." and indicated the sender with a
nod of his head.
She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the
man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note.
The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note
from her and conveyed it to the gentleman.
The note read:
"For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your
garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants".
After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in
return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed
him to deliver it to the lady.
It read:
"Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be, I
have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo
in my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen , Miami , and
a 10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana. There is over twenty million
dollars in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman
as beautiful as you are, would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back."
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A masked man walked into a sperm bank, pulled out a gun, and told the secretary that this was a stick up and to open the safe.
The secretary replied, "You idiot, this is a sperm bank, there's no money here!!"
The masked man insisted that if she did not open the safe he would shoot her on the spot. Reluctantly, she opened the safe and stood back. There in the open safe were two vials of sperm.
The robber pointed his gun at the two vials and ordered the secretary to drink them both or he would blow her head off.
When she had finished drinking the second vial the robber took off his mask. There stood her husband with a grin on his face!!
"See Doris", he said. "that didn't kill you, did it?!"
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Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary.
They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their 25 years of marriage.
Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "blissful marriage".
Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"
Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had been to Shimla for our honeymoon.
Having decided to go horse riding , we both started the ride on different horses.
My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a little wild.
On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.
Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time".
Again she climbed on the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again.
This time again she calmly said, "This is your second time" and continued.
When the horse dropped her the third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!
I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?" .
She gave a silent look and said: "This is YOUR first time!!!"."
Husband: "That's it. We have lived happily together since then. "
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