| It is amazing how sometimes a throw away incident or a chance encounter can start you down a path which becomes so compelling that you find you must follow it.
Several months ago, this happened to me. I do not do cyber bdsm or chat rooms, but I have resources all over the net which I read to continue my learning, and to keep watch for a woman I would wish to serve.
I do not identify with most male submissives. I am not feminine and have no wish to be. I am not desperate. I do not offer devotion or obedience to women I haven't even talked to. I do not consider myself to be lowly, unworthy or worthless. I do not serve because I am compelled to. I serve because I desire to. Because I believe that women are the pinnacle of creation, and the most beautiful of all God's work. However, I only desire to serve women who are truly dominant. My definitions of dominant and submissive are sufnt from most, that I find such women infrequently. I will continue to search until I find the right one.
Now that path I spoke of. The thread I was participating in concerned training of submissives. Someone brought up Pavlovian training of humans, and I found the idea fascinating. A dominant woman I did not know said she had used Pavlovian training to turn her sub into a toilet slave. When I read her post, it was like being hit by lightning. I immediately emailed her offline and asked her about it. She explained what she did and how, and told me how to find articles about it on the net, which I immediately did. The articles were fascinating, but I already knew the path I wished to tread.
Whether you call it scat, shit, human toilets or whatever, it's usually right at the top of everyone's hard limits list. It's one of the few things I have never succeeded in doing, though I don't use the term hard limits. So how does one go from scat revolting you, to desiring Pavlovian training to become a toilet slave? I mentioned that I am not like other male subs. Most of them merely use dominant women to get their fetish kicks, and their offers of worship and obedience are as worthless as they claim to be. So I've always had a hard time limiting a woman I served. If service only involves doing the things you don't mind doing, then just how submissive are you? Now amongst the many things I am, insane I am not. There are things I place outside the boundaries of bdsm and service. Real life responsibilities, my health, safety, privacy, things I find to be morally wrong, etc. I would not serve a woman who would ignore any of those concerns, so I don't consider it to limit my service. We all need to live in the real world.
So over the years, I have worked on myself to be able to accomodate all my mistress' bdsm wishes. Scat is one I could not. Like a sore tooth you constantly run your tongue over and can't leave alone, it was something I could not do, and it would not go away. I tried to do it many times and failed spectacularly. Now, finally I had found a way.
So here I am. I seek a truly dominant woman who wishes to stretch herself and her own ability to train, control and dominate. A woman who can rise above her own aversion to scat, if she has one, and take on the challenge of raising me above it as well. We bestow the bdsm terms we use on ourselves. here is a chance to truly focus on advancing your own dominance and my submission. To alter who and what I am, in your service. It will take a special woman. Are you her?
(continued in journal) |
