| One of the great things about bdsm is that if you approach it seriously, you never stop learning and growing. Each experience, even the bad ones, teach me something to help me find my true path. One of the things I have learned is that most submissive women in the bdsm community are not what I'm looking for. In fact, I have yet to find any woman that I can trust and would want.
Being a basically thoughtful person, I've often wondered if there could be something wrong with me, if all I've been finding are women I can't trust or who don't interest me. For many years I've been content with believing that no, it's not me, it's just that women such as I seek are very rare and hard to find and I just haven't been lucky.
It is not that I haven't been looking. I am constantly looking. What I have come to learn is that maybe it isn't me exactly, but maybe it's where and how I have been looking. There are a great many desperate and insecure people in the bdsm world, and many of those are male dominants, or at least they label themselves as such. They hurl themselves at everything submissive, female and breathing, or perhaps for some, 2 out of 3 of those is enough. So when a submissive woman places a profile on here or any other site, she is immediately inundated with bids for attention from dominant men. Since most of these women are also insecure and have had little or no attention from men in the “vanilla” world, it's easy to understand that all this attention goes straight to their heads. So they come to believe that they are in control of the process. They can make these men filling their in box jump through endless hoops in the hopes that they will be the one to receive their “gift of submission” on. And as far as that goes, they are right. Most of those men truly are so desperate to “dominate” any woman who would let them, that they are just fine with giving all the real power to the “submissive”. Then these women wonder why all the dominant men they meet are either predators, liars or losers, and not “real dominants”. So they conclude that all dominants, all men, or both are wannabes and losers. What they don't, and for the most part refuse to understand is that men who are truly dominant don't play puppy dog, don't jump through hoops, and don't chase subs. So the type of men they would call “real dominants” aren't in their pool of choices and want no part of any woman who thinks their submission is a gift and that they are doing the man a favor by submitting to him.
My mistake has been, that though I understand the dynamics of how things work and want no part of it, that I am still searching that same pool of women to find one who is different and who “gets it”. What I have just come to realize is that just as I am not going to be in the puppy dog pool, the woman I seek isn't going to be in the pool of women putting the puppies through their hoops. So I can search there forever and I won't ever find her, and in fact, I have not. Unfortunately, knowing where not to search is not the same as knowing where I should be looking. Where do intelligent, trustworthy, submissive women with high self esteem look for men who are truly dominant and can make then happy? I guess I will know when I find her.
So if you are one of those women who are tired of playing with puppies and dom wannabes, but like me have been looking in all the wrong places and meeting nothing but liars and losers, then read my profile and write me. Just to be clear, I don't play casually and am only interested in a committed long term 24/7 relationship that includes both vanilla life and bdsm. I look forward to talking with you.
So about TPE.... It rolls off the tongue so easily. But what does it mean? Since it seems to mean so many different things to different people, I should explain what it means to me. I don't believe most absolutes like "total" are even possible. I use it in my name because it identifies a mindset and a starting point for communication. If anything, what I seek is Total Trust. When a woman can tell me that she trusts me without reservations, and has no need to bind me with restrictions for her own safety or security. It's still just a starting place, albeit a more meaningful one.
So where do I want to go from our starting place? I'm not sure I know. I do know who I want to go there with. I'm seeking a very smart, very honest, very passionate woman with high self confidence and high self esteem, who desires to give herself, body and soul, to a man she trusts without reservation.
I also know what I'm not seeking. If you believe that submission is a gift, it's unlikely that we will be compatible. If you believe submission means "Master, make me do whatever I want.", then we have very different views on what submission means. If you think submission means being tied up, spanked, then "forced" to endure multiple orgasms, then while I like play as much as anyone, it's not what the relationship I'm seeking is built on, and it's doubtful I'm the right master for you.
Still reading? Well good. That means that perhaps we have enough in common to make talking productive.
I do not desire a slave to make me feel important, because I hate or believe I am superior to women, or because I can't get sex any other way. I want a slave because I want to be served. If you want a master because you desire to serve, then perhaps we are a good match.
You will be taken care of. Your fundamental needs for food, clothing, shelter and medical will be met. As for kink/fetish/sex, if you looked at my lists, you know my interests are pretty wide ranging, and it's unlikely that I would force you to do something that would make you miserable, because I want my partner to be happy, not miserable. If you have a career, I will allow you to work outside the home. If you are a student, I will require you to finish your education. I am not seeking someone who needs to be micromanaged. I expect to be able to give you general guidelines, and for you to be able to make decisions within those guidelines to carry out my wishes.
I am not looking for a robot. Many women entering the BDSM community have been taught nonsense. They have been told that "slaves" are mindless drones with no input or right to communicate their wants, needs and desires. I am only seeking a woman who is highly intelligent and articulate. You will be allowed and encouraged to communicate all that is on your mind. In my opinion, "dominants" who obsess about "topping from the bottom" are insecure about their own dominance. Again, I would get no pleasure from making my slave miserable. Do not mistake concern, compassion and a willingness to listen as weakness. You will be allowed input. I will make the decisions.
I am assuming that if you identify as a slave, and seek someone who identifies as a master, that you want to give up control and power. I will take that control and power, and cherish it. Please look ay my preference lists. I filled them in because even though kink preferences are not my top priority, I thought it might give potential slaves a glimpse into who I am. Hopefully, you will look at the vanilla activities as well as the kink activities. Because I don't seek just a slave. I'm seeking a woman who is more than a slave, just as I am more than just a "master". I'm seeking a life partner. And finally... Bdsm is not all there is to life. Even were it possible for me to spend the rest of my life in a dungeon, I would not choose to. I have many interests, and BDSM is only one of them. I am not just a dominant man. I am a man first of all, and dominant is just an adjective, not a noun. I am a father and a veteran, and both of those bring me more pride and sense of accomplishment than skill with a whip ever will. I am a home owner, a business owner, and an active participent in veteran's affairs. I enjoy reading, travel, cooking, antiques, theatre, and learning new things. In short, I have a life, and I enjoy living it.
I do not believe that a common interest in bdsm will be enough to sustain us for a lifetime. I do not expect you to share all my interests, but I do expect you to participate in some of them, and have some of your own that I can share with you.
Life, love, bdsm, companionship. I ask for a lot, and I offer a lot. You may desire to give up control and power to the right person, but for now you still have it. You can use it wisely to work for things that will make you happy and fulfilled. Or you can live a life full of fear, never striving to achieve because you are too afraid to fail. Caution is one thing, but too much caution and you will end your life without ever having lived it. Let's talk. |
