About me: · Succes

11/9/2008 7:47:10 AM: Fan mail! Wow! I got an e-mail from one of the women who subscribes to my blog asking why I haven't posted lately, and looking for more. It made me feel special - thanks, Cali.I attended Folosm Fringe, but wasn't that impressed. Master Rick's class about how to deal with the Police if they show up and interrupt your S/m scene was probably the most interesting. Rick is an ex-cop and a really good speaker.The "headplay" class was fun too. I attended with a sub to practice on. So now when somebody says "You wouldn't ever slap a lady, would you?", I can truthfully respond by saying "Actually, I've received formal training on the subject and have demonstrated my proficiency in that skill to the satisfaction of an experienced instructor!"I'm planning to attend the Leather Traditions "Weekend for Doms" later this month here in San Francisco, but to be honest I'm not really looking forward to it and am seriously considering just blowing it off, although I've already paid for it. I didn't find out until after the refund deadline that this was a Skip Chasey event. I don't mean to defame Master Skip - his reputation in the scene is impeccable. But frankly I've tried on several occasions to sit through his 2-hour classes at national events, and I have never made it past 20 minutes. Everybody relates to this scene in their own way, and Master Skip is without a doubt one of the most respected speakers anywhere in the eyes of much of the community. But to my listening, he's just spewing spirituality-laden content-free bullshit. Since I've already paid and it's too late to get a refund I'll probably attend and try to get something out of it, but I'm not terribly optimistic.So why haven't I posted to the blog for so long? Well, for a while it was raining subs. Yippee! I was juggling 3 different women (yes, of course they knew about one another) at one point, and trying to figure out who was the best match. Since the blog is basically advertising, I stopped posting because there seemed to be no need.Well, I'm down to just one now. The long-distance one (New York) just plain flaked out one day, and the other is a longer story. But the one I'm still dating is a really nice girl, and I'm really glad to have met her. But after being hurt by someone else in the scene behaving inappropriately, she's starting to question whether the lifestyle is really for her. We're still dating, but we're taking a break from D/s while she decides if this is really for her. I hope she comes around; she's a really great girl.So I'm still looking around, but have to admit the online scene is getting pretty frustrating. I get about 15 - 20 e-mails a day here, most of them from people who obviously never read a word of my profile. When I first started using this site, I thought it very rude when women did not respond to e-mails. I guess I've become cynical now. I still try to send a personal response to everyone who writes a sincere inquiry, even if I'm not interested. But I've adopted a policy of just ignoring the one-liners, particularly the ones asking me to contact them on IM or an off-site e-mail account.So that's the update... Thanks for reading!Scott

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9/1/2008 11:18:26 AM: 
Holy Cow! I never expected my 8/14 blog entry about attending the M/s conference to be so popular, but to my own astonishment I've been receiving several e-mails a day since posting that blog entry, and suddenly I have several women who have subscribed to my blog... I didn't even you you COULD subscribe to blogs on collarme! Since that posting got me far more attention than I ever expected, I guess I should keep on 'blogging!I'm fascinated by the comments and compliments I receive from women on this site. Dominant men typically like to think of ourselves as big, strong, manly man types, and we fantasize about women being attracted to us because of our masculine stature and demeanor.Yet far and away, the most frequent compliments I receive on this site pertain to my ability to form a grammatically correct sentence and punctuate it properly. I would never have guessed that basic literacy would be such a big deal in terms of what women are attracted to, but it seems to be a key criterion for many of you. I get far more compliments on being able to correctly distinguish between the adjective "dominant" and the verb "dominate" in my writing than I receive relative to my dominant personality or physical appearance. But hey, if that's what makes me a sexy guy in the eyes of the subs on collarme, I'll roll with it! Interesting to say the very least...I must confess to being dismayed myself by the lack of intellect that seems so pervasive among the participants of both sexes on this site. It would seem to me that if one seeks to "Master" another human being, keeping that person as their "possession", then first learning to master the use of the possessive apostrophe would seem to be a reasonable prerequisite. After all, the whole idea is to inspire the sub to look up to you as a superior. It's hard for me to comprehend how submissive women could "look up" to someone who is challenged by the concept of spell-checking... But now I hear myself sounding cynical.I've also been struck by the number of compliments I receive for having taken the time to read the available books about D/s relationship dynamics and to attend as many local and national BDSM events as I'm able to. I would think that anyone interested in this lifestyle would seek to educate themselves as much as their circumstances permit, but apparently this, too, is unusual in the scene.Ok, I set out to write something interesting because my last blog entry got me so much favorable attention, but now I feel like I'm just being judgmental of others. That's really not the way I want to be perceived, so perhaps some of you will e-mail me your suggestions on what I should blog about next?Scott

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8/10/2008 7:47:44 AM: 
I decided to blog about my experience at the International M/s conference in Washington, DC last weekend, because hopefully my thoughts and reactions to the event will shed some light on where I stand in my journey to discover who I really am and what I really want from this lifestyle.
 
I’ve been involved with BDSM in general for several years now, and have been focused on D/s as my primary kink for a couple of years. I had written off M/s (Master/slave) entirely, because I had several pre-conceived stereotypes and judgments about what Master/slave “must” mean. For any sort of long-term relationship, I require an intelligent, self-sufficient woman who is capable of running her own life, but who chooses to submit to my domination. For whatever reasons, my pre-conceived notions about M/s assumed that anyone self-identified as a “slave” must be a meek, insecure soul incapable of taking care of herself, seeking a man to play babysitter. Not my cup of tea. 
 
But to my surprise and delight, my stereotypes had very little to do with reality. My prejudices first started breaking down when I met a few M/s couples here in the bay area. Notably, Master Rick and slave Tina (whom I’d met at the Citadel several times) quite impressed me. Tina is obviously a very intelligent woman, a successful business-owner, and generally has her act together. Rick told me that they began as a D/s couple, and he would tell people “She is my submissive but nobody’s slave”. He went on to describe how that turned out to be completely wrong, as they have both discovered that M/s is more “who they really are as people”. I was fascinated by this but still didn't fully comprehend the distinction, so I asked Rick’s advice on how to learn more. He recommended reading SlaveCraft (Guy Baldwin) and Partners in Power (Jack Rinella), and attending Master Taino’s International M/s conference in Washington DC. I did all of the above.
 
Several of the “slaves” at the conference were attorneys, physicians and other professionals who are obviously more than capable of running their own lives, but who choose submission and service out of preference. Fascinating for sure, and it broke down the rest of my stereotypes and preconceptions. So if my assumptions about what a “slave” is were wrong, what is one, really, then? In short, I don’t think there are two M/s couples in existence who would agree completely on an answer. Assimilating the views and opinions of all the presenters and people I spoke with at the conference, they are really talking about what I had previously been calling “Lifestyle D/s”, meaning that a D/s relationship dynamic is maintained outside the bedroom on a 24/7 basis. For example, I would characterize the relationship that formed in The Secretary by the end of the film as being more M/s than D/s. I’m sure others define the terms differently, but that’s what I got from the conference.
 
As Jack Rinella says in the first chapter of Partners in Power, terminology presents one of the biggest challenges to the scene. We attach so much assumed meaning to certain words that it’s easy for an expression to convey unintended meaning. I really don’t care for the terminology "Master/slave" at all. I think it’s a false metaphor, as is the analogy of the “slave” being “property” that is “owned” by the Master. Consensual slavery (the politically correct term in the scene) is an oxymoron, plain and simple. Slavery and consent are mutually exclusive terms. What they actually mean is “voluntary servitude”, but I guess that doesn’t sound as cool as "consensual slavery". The property ownership analogy doesn’t work for me either. I can own property (a junk car for example), and abuse it out of choice. It’s mine, I own it, and if I want to treat it in a way that causes its premature demise, that’s my prerogative. That obviously doesn’t carry over to a human being, so therefore I don’t think the posession analogy is an effective way to express the concept of deep domination.
 
What is really meant (best I can tell) by the property ownership analogy is that the “slave” chooses to defer to their Master’s judgment on significant issues in their life, relying on the wisdom and judgment of a partner they look up to for many important life decisions. Hence, the Master has the perception of “owning” the slave’s life. I still don’t like the terminology, but the relationship dynamic it’s intended to describe turns me on a lot.
 
I was a little surprised by the conference format. Most of the “presentations” were really just focused discussion groups, with the “presenter” acting as facilitator. With the exceptions of Master Jack McG, Master Rick, and slave marsha, none of the “presenters” came armed with a presentation of any substance. This disappointed me, but I soon learned that many participants – particularly the Masters – really needed this format. I had one conversation with a guy at the Saturday banquet, who told me in no uncertain terms that he came and paid his money in part to listen and learn, but in equal part to have the opportunity to speak and express his feelings about M/s relationships. I suggested politely that I thought the purpose of the conference was learning, and that I thought his desire to speak during sessions was valid only to the extent that it facilitated someone else’s learning (in other words, that he should only talk if he had something interesting to say). He took offense, and called me "judgmental as hell"! 
 
I never meant to offend, but it just seemed a natural assumption to me that at a conference, the designated speakers do the talking, and the rest of us ask questions when we think the answers might interest other participants. The notion that a large plurality of participants might agree that the whole point was to pay money for the sake of having the privilege of hearing themselves talk just hadn’t occurred to me! However, I later realized that this sentiment was widespread at the conference.
 
I remain strongly attracted to the thought of a long-term relationship in which my partner chooses out of free will to defer most decision-making to me, even though she is entirely capable of handling life’s demands on her own. I am particularly attracted to a woman who derives pleasure herself from serving me, and obedience is a word I just can’t get enough of from a woman. I still resist calling this “Master/slave”, but we seem to be talking about the same things.The "slave auction" at the conference had baffled me prior to the event. The notion that a legitimate D/s dynamic could form between two people when the courtship consisted of bidding in an auction just didn't wash with me. But in case I was being too judgmental (again!), I asked slave Tina before the event what her opinion was, "from a slave's viewpoint". She was clear in confirming my own sentiments, saying that such events were "not for us" (referring to herself and Master Rick). She went on to describe being creeped out when she and Rick are frequently approached by other couples who assume they are polygamous (they’re not) just because they're in the scene.So you can imagine my surprise on auction day to hear that Tina was going up on the auction block! Apparently they didn't have enough volunteers for this "auction", which was for charity, and it sounded like Tina was talked into it at last minute because of her title as 2008 slave of the year.I had not intended to bid in the auction, but at the last instant (going once... going twice...),  the look on Tina's face said it all. She was going along "for the cause" but it was obvious that she really wasn't into serving anyone other than Rick. I made the high bid ($175) at the last instant, then told Tina she was excused from the service expectation, that I wanted her to serve her real master for the rest of the evening, and that I was comfortable just allowing my bid to be a donation to the charity cause. She seemed elated, and it made me feel great to bail her out of what looked (to me) like an uncomfortable situation she would have otherwise found herself in. Besides, who knows, maybe she has a twin sister she hasn't told me about yet :-)
 
I want to emphasize in this blog that M/s is not the only thing I’m here for. Right now, I see myself continuing to date around, exploring all facets of BDSM. I've become pretty good at Shibari (rope bondage), and still enjoy discovering and exploring kinkiness. At some point I’ll find the right girl and a D/s relationship will grow first, then perhaps blossoming into what the scene calls M/s. But we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.
 
Scott
 
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7/4/2008 3:21:08 PM: Finally my BDSM bedroom furniture is arriving! Now all I have to worry about is the silly, insignificant shit like a couch for the living room!See photos of the new toys in my profile pics.Scott
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5/19/2008 1:40:07 PM: Here I am in Chicago at Shibaricon, and I must say I've enjoyed the first day. Most BDSM events are way too "aggressive" for me. Way too many guys hitting on not enough girls just kills the engergy and puts the poor women on the defensive.This was different - mostly couples (I brought a sub with me from SF) and a generally non-threatening environment. Still more tops than bottoms in attendance, but I suppose that's always the deal.