| i'm not looking for a "goddess"; i'm looking for a woman to treat like one.
i'm not looking for someone who feels that they must 'take' from me; i'm looking for someone who is not afraid to ask too much of me.
i'm not looking for someone that thinks i belong on my knees; i'm looking for someone that makes me want to raise them on my shoulders.
i search based on how i view a person; not just 'how they look' to me. i also don't consider people based on what their fetishes are, i consider fetishes based on how i feel about the person.
as you can imagine, i get along best with those who are down to earth; those that don't have misguided ideals of superiority, inferiority, people belonging in their 'proper place', or those who have delusions of what people deserve or should be grateful for.
if there is one type of person i will always abstain from when it comes to relationships, it is the people who look for reality within fantasy; resulting in their inability to appreciate what is actually real.
i'm a loner for the most part, but it's not at all because i enjoy being alone; rather it seems that in all crowds i am viewed as unusual and outcast, even this one. though it usually doesn't feel as if i am standing out as much as being overlooked, like the child in the back corner of a classroom. this might still be for the better in some ways, as i feel the worst thing someone could possibly do when they see me is to look at me with the same light they look upon others, especially other men.
in my nature i have always been submissive, and spending a small amount of time around me would reveal that i have obvious passive tendencies. i am shy, reserved, honest, modest, and kind; and i feel the most happy when i can likewise make other people feel the same. that extends into this realm, it didn't originate from it, and it isn't limited to it.
my venture here has stemmed from the trouble that i've always encountered when the aforementioned qualities of mine were mistaken by every woman i would date as me being nothing more than 'a nice guy who's just shy'; all of them thinking that this shyness would soon part. it became clear to me that they were never going to understand, let alone want what i am. they may have been attracted to me by some grace, but in the end they were always going to want me to be someone else.
in that light i must confess that i'm not here to look for a mistress, a domme, or any other namesake one can call themselves. i came to "this" in hopes of finding the person that doesn't want someone else. to search among those that aren't estranged by me, rather than to continue on, endlessly meeting people who wish to dismiss that side of me and shape me to be like everyone else; forcing me to watch them constantly assure me in futility 'that i will change'.
i know a lost cause when i see it, especially when the last i ever see of it is as it's walking away.
what they never understood was that i can change; just not as they wanted. like a piece of clay you can mold and shape me in different ways, but you can't change the clay to ice. take a good look; as this is what you have to work with, but if in the end what you're wanting is a snowman, then there's no sense in ever getting your hands dirty. hopefully that's not taken as a metaphor for washing your hands of me when you're done either.
while i am submissive in nature, and i've come looking for someone else among a crowd that has common views to my own; the acts of which are so often involved in these relationships, or thought to be inherent to them are hardly of much consequence to me.
i'm not here because i want to wear leather, nor because i want you wearing it, i'm not here because i have an affinity for whips or an obsession with handcuffs; i'm here because i want to give choice and control... two things that i've never had much to do with in a relationship, over to someone else. i'm here because i want to find someone who wants these things, and i want that someone to be happy with my decision to do so; even if it ends up that they like leather and handcuffs after all~
every act has potential for enjoyment, and at the very least i can be afforded psychological satisfaction when doing the things that i may not enjoy. a sense of accomplishment, a simple feeling of contentment after following through on something that i wasn't doing for my own enjoyment to begin with, but for someone else; someone i care for.
both the reason for going through with it, and likely the reason for even being able to.
i often see people that say 'must like doing ___', but it is my hope that people don't confuse 'if i like' something with 'will i do' something, my reactions and feelings may also not be what you expect.
i'm often left with the impression that people have no idea what to say to me. asking me things i'd expect to hear from someone too nervous to lead with a real question; i hear "what do you like to do?" from too many people, which holds a fair bit of irony given the circumstances. regardless, i like to strive in whatever it is i do; the pertinent question from my view is 'what do you like'?
it's such a pity that even to this day i so rarely get to find that out from anyone; staying silent as if they fear my reaction.
me..? i simply do things. usually things of my own accord, but at times i do them for someone else's. and yes in my doing that there will be both things that i like and dislike that come with the territory, but i will love knowing, and always love hearing that i "didn't have to". the merit i find in acting on someone else's behalf trumps all other things that "i like" to a degree that my other interests and achievements begin to feel petty.
not the answer you were looking for? it rarely is. well, i like to draw, i like to help, i'm fond of movies, and i greatly enjoy being in good company; even when just sitting in silence. yes... i know that when people ask on here "what do you like to do" they're generally inquiring as to what my sexual desires are...
so be it, i like to cuddle and i like to kiss; the rest is icing to me and i would give them up before either of these two things.
i know that i'm painting a picture that looks perhaps too unbelievable, and i wouldn't blame the skepticism it rouses, especially considering that you are right. of course i'm not inhuman or completely selfless; i have my faults and my own set of impulses, but the better part of me is happy to inflict a smile upon the people that i have some measure of appreciation for, even if it is in the form of a wicked grin. i'm no more opposed to various 'activities' than i would be to any other means of achieving that, and while a relationship of mine may eventually be involving of sex at some point, it will not be a dependency on my part; i think anyway~
i'm more concerned about feeling the things in a relationship that you don't experience with your nerve endings. i think with the head on my shoulders, i'm driven by my heart, and i will not compromise on the that i actually consider "important".
however, i also do not seek the glorification of petty goals. if my doing some form of simple chore can bring upon a measure of happiness; i would not consider it a wasted effort, but i do not endeavor to only meaninglessly scrape the surface in a relationship. my aspirations fall deeper than that, and make no mistake if it wasn't already obvious; when all is said and done 'what i'm wanting' is a relationship.
i simply cannot do enough if i am nothing more than a convenience to someone. simple and petty things are not the extent of my capabilities; it's not a matter of getting what i think i "deserve", nor do i want to give you what you you deserve. i want to give you more than you deserve, i want to give you things that cannot be earned.
i didn't come here to be looked down upon, or to go unappreciated merely because i wasn't allowed to do or be enough for someone. the little things are important, but not on their own; not to me.
'here' i'm labeled and understood to be a submissive, it is hardly ever questioned and something i often take for granted; as most people in my life are less than able to understand me in this way. that has unfortunately always been the case, i didn't turn into 'this' upon checking into the bdsm hotel; i have always been and remain the same submissive person i am now. i would remain if i started dating someone 'vanilla' again, if i was with someone more submissive than myself, or even if i were single for the rest of my life. [knock knock]
there is however one case where i do not seem so outwardly submissive and that's when i'm required to act competitively.
as i said, i like to strive~
now, when it comes to communicating and carrying on relations; i'm not opposed to online or face to face contact, but i'm a little leery of any new acquaintances that wish to rush into either. if you'd prefer me not to be as wary, then i'd advise you to neither keep hidden nor to be obscure. give me reason to trust, or you can expect disappointment.
despite that i have such fondness for women, and that most men just embarrass me; i do not find one gender to be superior, and i would not care if either of them actually was. you won't see me professing belief in things like female supremacy, but you will find me exercising female priority; not because i think they deserve it, but because i want to give it to them.
i find women [ideally speaking] to be the most dear thing that i know, and i am not under the slightest belief that this is simply because i am male; though i recognize that it is a factor.
a person is likely to claim that they'll do "almost anything" for what they find most dear. i am merely humble and happy to not refer to 'doing almost anything' for 'that which is most dear' only in regards to 'dire needs', or 'life and death' situations in which the phrase is most often used, but to open it up to [their] desires as well.
i consider attraction important, and what attracts me beyond all other things is that which is feminine. i'm afraid i can't really narrow anything down further than that; you would find a very different man writing this profile if i believed 'attractive women' only came in one kind of package.
i don't hold so many prerequisites towards the body; my attraction is simply a case by case basis, and despite any qualms about being superficial, i can't escape the fact that the heart wants what the heart wants. it can't be helped, and it is no different for anyone else; whether they'll admit it or not.
nearing my final concerns; do not desire me as a slave, and do not wish for me to submit myself entirely unless you understand what these things mean, know what they require, and is what you truly want. i will not be kept under illusion for long, if at all; i do not role-play life.
i'm very tired both of people that use the word slave lightly, and people that put far too much merit into the word. i'm also tired of people who are stupid enough to think that things like contracts hold even a drop of water, or that people can simply be 'made property' by giving voice to delusions.
people have never needed to be 'property' to be 'yours', and they've never needed an 'owner' to 'belong'.
consensual slavery is nothing if not entirely synonymous with submission; the doubt in this comes from selective perception, willfully ignoring the part about 'consent'. remember at the beginning when i said i get along better with people who are "down to earth" and "aren't misguided", things like this are why.
if you use these words because you "need" the titles of 'master' and 'slave' to have fulfillment in your relationship then you are a tool; if you try to force meaning into insignificant things while losing sight of what is actually significant then you are a fool.
this type of ignorance and self delusion is effectively no different from those who believe in santa claus; you may be happy with what you receive, but the merit and meaning that the gift possesses is lost to the blind.
also, if you've skipped to these last few paragraphs, no i do not care if my profile goes unread, and no you will not find hidden messages or codewords within it to use if you decide to write me. i will never ignore people based on some belief that my profile is 'required reading', and not a single message ever gets sent to my bulk mail; i read everything from everyone, and will happily respond to any message that was worth the time it took to send to me.
i know all too well just how long my profile is; having written, read, revised, and rewritten it several times over, and i will never so much as ask people to read it, let alone expect or insist.
i wrote this for those who care to read it, nothing more or less.
though if life is perceived by humanity to be 'too short', it doesn't seem feasible to me for 'too long' to exist, even when describing it in full; only too long for those short of attention or interest.
besides, you may have noticed on your way down that my profile states on the left that "i like to write". i'd imagine it's safe to assume by now that i won't have to convince you of that.
hopefully the knowledge that i merely "like" writing will also help to put my other listed "interests" into perspective as well.
what's often amusing to me though is the surprise people have when they find out that i'm actually a very quiet person. i rarely open my mouth unless someone asks me a question, or i have something i feel is really worth speaking out about.
however... when people write to me, i too often see such things as, "tell me a little about yourself".
i will be disappointed if anyone asks this of me any longer. i will be disappointed that you lack the prerogative in your motivations to read what i wrote for you, and i'll certainly be disappointed if you asked me only because you wish to test my response or make humorless jokes.
i have written this to tell you a lot about myself; that was my entire intent and motivation for creating a profile of this magnitude.
regardless though... i am more than happy to hear from you, answer your questions, further elaborate on the things that i've mentioned, as well as discuss any other curiosities or specifics that you've come across and feel like asking me about. bear in mind though that i will not distinguish the difference between those that would waste my time or play games, with those that would try and test me to see if i will.
i have put myself on display; there is no need to tap the glass.
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if you're one of those intelligent and down to earth people i love; then the above line was the end of my profile as far as you need be concerned. if you want to, you can stop reading now and let my words end as i would like; on a good note.
if not...
as final addendum: concerning those who have interest in me, and regarding things i had hoped there would be no need to mention...
as you can see from reading this far, i write in improper lower case almost exclusively for no other reason than because i like it; i find it more pleasant to the eyes. yet even if i were to practice "proper" capitalization, being proper would also mean i do not play games with my shift or slash key; capitalizing "master" or "mistress" or any other pronouns referring to them while excluding myself.
if i did do this however, i would still have no reason to make a reference to you as 'mistress' after every 3 consecutive seconds of dialogue. i write as i speak, and to this i hold; if i wouldn't say to you in person "hello capital m- mistress, lowercase i- i was just wondering how capital y- you are doing?", then i won't be doing so in my writing either.
even if i notice that this is how you write, it is unlikely that i will follow suit and do the same unless i have cause to honor the request; when and if requested.
the reason for me pointing this out isn't to detail my views on grammar, or to try and make your ways seem stupid. it is only to point out the fact that no offense is intended by me writing like this; ever.
if however, you insist on taking offense; i won't stand in your way.
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i also realize that people often use the "friends list" feature as a way to keep track of someone they wish to stay in touch with, or to simply keep their eye on. i am fine with people doing so and won't deny anyone the ability to add me, but again... do not blindly take offense when i do not add you because i assure you ahead of time; i am not going to.
the "friends" feature is not the way i prefer to maintain a list of contacts, nor do i have reason to parade people around on my profile. if you wish to demand that i add you, so that your picture can "signify something" to other people who see my profile, all i can say is good luck; no one else has convinced me to do so yet.
besides, my profile is long enough without adding pictures of other people to it don't you think?
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no, i do not "journal"; i "profile" myself, and i will edit this profile a million times to make it best speak my mind when and if it happens to change or need clarification. if you want to know other thoughts of mine; either ask me yourself, or look on the forums.
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most importantly...
if your reason for talking to me is something other than because you want to talk to me; i probably don't want to talk to you.
that is, to say it more plainly, if you're interested in or curious about me, and wish to talk things over but consider conversation to be nothing more than a 'waste of your time' unless you're assured to 'get me'; save yourself the trouble and don't even send a 'hello'.
we might make shakespeare jealous, we might 'work out', we might be nothing more than friends, and we might never want to speak to each other again, but if you come at me with some sort of speech like "i'm not here to make friends, i'm not here for conversation, i'm only here to find my s___. so either give me your answer or don't bother writing back at all"; make no mistake ahead of time that my answer to you is a big fucking NO.
many people that i talk to have no interest in becoming involved with me, and not everyone who writes to me chooses to make me aware of their ulterior motives in the beginning; preferring instead to pull the rug out from under me at a later time. if you do decide to let me know of your intentions when first contacting me; don't bother expecting me to give you an answer until i have time and knowledge enough to come to one, otherwise the answer is no.
i start with getting to know people first, and i refuse to rush.
if all i "get to know" of you is that you're insufferable and will rush to leap before you look, no matter how important pulling off the jump actually is; then you've made my decision very easy.
i also refuse to tolerate 'unjustified jealousy', or to forsake the friends that i've already made over the years [or have yet to make] on behalf of someone who appeared at random one day and thinks that they can just usurp the bonds with people that i already have much stronger ties to.
don't ask me if i want to be in a relationship in your first message; it's an implausibly nonsensical approach to finding someone, don't show up one day and think you're going to convince me i should tell the rest of the world to go to hell, and don't be so stupid as to think i'd even consider giving a stranger control over my account.
if idiocy such as this is how i entered a relationship, this profile wouldn't even be here for you to read, as i would already be whisked away into a horrible relationship long before you ever had a chance to do the same.
i wouldn't let anyone i know keep me from talking to you, so don't even think of telling me who i will speak with; i have no intentions of putting an end to me being courteous to people. the lack of realization that this backwards line of thinking would mean that you and i would never have had a chance to speak if i honored such requests is completely absurd.
there is no call, let alone any real reason to demand such things unless i've somehow managed to cause distrust with someone who actually 'matters' to me.
unless there's a proverbial or literal 'collar' around my neck; don't even think to ask it of me.
also, if your first message is going to look something like 'hello slave, kneel to accept my...' then you should probably go ahead and block me because you can expect, and i mean EXPECT me to educate you on what a narrow minded lemming you are; stop roleplaying and start living, you'll enjoy it...
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