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i'm not looking for a goddess, i'm looking for a woman to treat like one. i'm not looking for someone who feels they must demand of me at all times, i'm looking for someone who is not afraid or reluctant to want, and then want more of me. i'm looking for a certain type of person, not a certain type of fetish.
i most enjoy people who are down to earth and don't have misguided ideals of superiority, inferiority, people belonging to their 'proper place', or those who have illusions of what people deserve or should be thankful for.
i am basically a loner of sorts that wishes he wasn't. i can't help but feel i am seen as unusual in any crowd, even here. usually it doesn't feel as if i am standing out and much as simply ending up overlooked. this might still be better than nothing, as i feel the worst thing someone could possibly do to me is look at me with the same light they look upon others.
in my nature i have always been submissive, spending a small amount of time around me would reveal that i have obvious passive tendencies. i am shy, reserved, modest, and feel the most happy when i can likewise make someone else feel the same. that extends into this realm, it didn't originate from it, it isn't limited to it. i'm not even necessarily looking for a mistress, i'm just looking for someone who would be receptive and appreciative of me being submissive, rather than wish to dismiss that side of me and have me be more like everyone else. i cannot change what i am made of, you can only mold the shape of what you have to work with.
while submissive in nature and here among a crowd with common interests, the acts of which are so often involved or thought to be inherent are hardly of much consequence to me. basically every act has potential enjoyment or even psychological satisfaction, a sense of accomplishment, or a simple means of allowing my content, but my concern is centered on the happiness of those i care about. many people ask right off 'what do i like to do', well, i like to strive, the real question is what do you like? i simply do things; things of my accord, things for someone else's accord, and in doing so there will be things i like, and things that i will dislike, but i will love knowing, and on fortunate times also 'hearing' that i didn't "have" to. the merit i find in acting on someone else's behalf trumps all other things that 'i like' to a degree that my other interests begin to feel petty. and this is the notion that is so often deemed 'mindless'?
i'm not inhuman or completely selfless of course, i simply am happy when i can inflict a smile upon the people i have appreciation for, even if it is in the form of a wicked grin. i would be no more opposed to various sexual activities than i would be to any other means of achieving that, and while a relationship of mine may be involving of sex, it will not be a dependency on my part. i'm more concerned about feeling the things not experienced by nerve endings.
however, i also do not seek the glorification of petty goals. if my doing some form of simple chore can bring upon a measure of happiness, i would not consider it a wasted effort, but i do not endeavor to only meaninglessly scrape the surface. my aspirations fall deeper, i want something of merit, a relationship of significance. i cannot do enough if i am nothing more than a convenience. simple and petty things are not the extent of my capabilities, it is not a matter of what i deserve, nor do i want to give you what you deserve, i want to give more, i want to give things that cannot be earned and cannot be deserved; something only describable as priceless.
here i am called a submissive and taken to simply be, but in the vanilla world people cannot so easily understand me this way, yet as shaky as those encounters are, i remain the same submissive even if i was in a vanilla relationship. i would remain the same even if i was with someone more submissive in nature than myself, even if i was single the rest of my life. the only time my being submissive isn't apparent is when the need comes for me to act competitively.
in communications and relations i'm not opposed to online or face to face contact, but i'm a little leery of new acquaintances that want to leap right from the start blindly. if you wish for me to not be wary of you, then do not hide yourself from me.
in light to my fondness to women; although most men just embarrass me, i do not find one gender to have superiority and i do not care if either truly was. you will not see me professing belief in things like female supremacy, you will rather find me in firm belief of female priority, not because i think they deserve it, but because i greatly want to give it to them. simply put, i find women [ideally speaking] to be the most dear thing i know, and i am not under the slightest belief that this is simply because i am male.
as logic would suggest, a person is likely to do "almost anything" for what they find most dear, i simply am humble and happy to not refer to "doing almost anything" for "that which is most dear" only in regards to a need, or a life and death situation which the phrase is so often used, but to open it up to [their] desires as well.
as a final concern, do not bother to desire me a slave, and do not wish for me to submit myself entirely, unless you understand what these things mean, know what they require, and it is what you truly want. i will not be kept under such an illusion for long, if at all; i do not role play life.
and if you've skipped to these last few paragraphs, i do not care if my profile goes unread before contact, you will find no hidden messages or games inside it, i will never ignore someone for not meeting some sort of requirement, no messages ever get sent to my bulk mail; i read everything from everyone, and will happily respond to any message that was worth the time it took to send to me.
however i have been too often asked things such as, "tell me a bit about yourself". i will be disappointed if anyone asks me this any longer. i will be disappointed in myself if i have not adequately covered the subject, i will be disappointed if you lack prerogative in your motivations, i will be disappointed if you wish to simply test my response of this paragraph, or wish to play mind games or make dismal jokes. i have written this to tell you a lot about myself, that is my intent, and my motivation for typing a profile which is so often said to be 'too long'.
i am of course more than happy to further elaborate, speak of other aspects, or simply tell you more about any curiosities that you come across and deem to ask, but i will not distinguish the difference between those wasting my time, and those that wish to see if i will waste theirs.
i have put myself on display, there is no need to tap the glass to see if i am real.
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as an epilogue to those who have interest, and concerning things i previously hoped i would have no need to mention as far as my interaction with others... as you can see from reading this far, i write in improper lower case almost exclusively for no other reason than because i find it more pleasant to the eyes, yet even if i were to practice "proper" capitalization, that would mean i also do not "play games" with my shift key and capitalize "master" or "mistress" or any other pronouns referring to them while excluding myself. i write as i speak, and these words reflect back; if i wouldn't say to you in person "hello capital m mistress, lowercase i i was just wondering how capital y you are doing?", then i won't be doing so in my writing either. even if i notice that is how you write, it is unlikely i will follow suit and do the same unless i have cause to honor the request. the reason for me writing this isn't to explain myself, it is to allude to the fact that no offense is intended in my writing, ever. if you insist on taking offense regardless, well... it's of your own accord and i can't apologize for that.
also is the fact that i realize people use the "friends list" feature as a way to keep track of people they wish to stay in touch with or simply keep their eye on. in that light, i won't deny anyone the ability add me in order to do so if you wish, but again do not blindly take offense when i do not add you as well because i am not going to; simply, the "friends" feature is not the way i prefer to maintain a list of contacts, nor do i have reason to parade people around on my profile.
and no, i do not journal, i "profile", and i will edit this profile a million times to make it best speak my mind when/if it changes or needs clarified.
more pertinent... if you're intending to talk to me for any other reason than because you'd enjoy the conversation, i probably don't want to talk to you. that is to say more plainly, if you're interested in or curious about me and want to talk, but consider the possibility that we won't end up being anything more than just friends to be a 'waste of your time', save yourself the trouble and don't even send a 'hello'. i start with friendship first, i refuse to rush, i refuse to tolerate unjustified jealousy, and i refuse to forsake the friends i've already made over the years [or have yet to make] on behalf of someone who just came out of the blue and thinks they can usurp the bonds of people i have much stronger ties to.
i wouldn't let anyone i know keep me from talking to you, don't even think to tell me i can't talk to them. the hypocrisy of the fact that we'd never have had the chance to meet if i honored such requests from people who have no call, let alone any real reason to demand such things is completely absurd. unless there's a proverbial or literal 'collar' around my neck, don't even think to say it.
i'm sorry i even had to mention anything so absurd.
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