tner dynamic may suffice if both parties remain conscious of the emotional impact of D/s play.

1/29/2010 3:02:05 PM: I'm hoping to move to Toronto sometime this year. With the kind of work I do larger cities are where most of the jobs are. I've toyed with the idea of moving back to Vancouver again, but Toronto seems to have such an active and large bdsm community. I also have a bunch of vanilla friends there now, and a few kinky ones that have migrated out that way over the last few years.The only trick is actually finding a company there I'd want to work for.

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1/11/2009 3:39:58 PM: 
I haven't written here in quite a while. I've come to discover that I'm capable of giving up far more control than I thought, and that I really do need D/s energy to really get the emotional connection for a relationship.I thought I had found a relationship that would fill that need for at least a couple of years, but it didn't work out. The one positive thing about this is that the emotion behind the process of realizing it was going to end became the grist for my first original song.I'm starting to feel that Halifax is the wrong place for me to be. There just doesn't seem to be enough dominant women in the scene there for a relationship to be possible. I'll stay where I am for another year or so. Anybody have any suggestions for where I could move (within Canada) that would have a fairly active and young bdsm scene?

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6/3/2008 3:17:48 PM: My long term plan has been to move back to Halifax. That isn't going to happen for a while yet, but it seems that the scene there is a lot more active than in NB. I've gone on a couple of road trips to events there, and it looks like I'll be heading down there for a party at Illusions on the second weekend of the next 3 months...starting next weekend!Clearly I'm excited about it. I just wish it could be a more regular occurance.

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2/10/2008 5:01:44 PM: Being a sub really sucks sometimes. Mainly where it comes to relying on others to give you something you need. I'm naturally independent, with part of it based on not relying on anyone and part on not being a burden, so maybe I feel the effects of this a little more than some. It's been a little over a year since I started exploring this part of myself. I was very tentative starting out, thinking I really couldn't give up much control. I found myself in an online relationship with a woman who understood me and saw past the defensiveness. She was really convinced that I'd be ok with giving up more control. When our relationship ended I still wasn't so sure about that, but she was right.I got into the local scene some more, found someone to play with occasionally, and discovered that control is something that I do truly need. It's getting close to six weeks now since the last time I visited her and I haven't felt like myself in weeks. I'm way past drop and frenzy. I'm not sure I'd call it depression, but I'm feeling constantly unsettled. As though something is wrong.So here I am, depending on others to give me something I need and not in a steady relationship with someone that can fill that role. I occasionally go to parties, but my basic nature makes it nearly impossible for me to ask someone to help take the edge off. Then just to rub salt in the wound, this weekend I was asked to come back for another visit...but I've been sick all week and may not recover in time.I've seen people ask if you would give up your lifestyle side, if it were possible to do so. I never truly understood the downside of all this before. Would I flip the switch and turn it off? I'm not sure. I suppose you can't expect to reach incredible highs without hitting a few lows too.

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1/20/2008 5:46:29 PM: I read a thread recently about orgasm control for women, and the thread started off by stating that not allowing a man to get off is a good way to increase his submission. Having played a bit with orgasm control I know this can be true up to a point. There is something to be said for desperation after all. However it can very quickly get to a point where the sexual response just dies, and you lose interest in a lot of things.I really have to wonder where this whole idea comes from. If your control is based on his being aroused, then taking the denial just a little bit too far causes you to start losing that control. I guess I just don't understand it, because it centres the whole dynamic on Little Willy. Doesn't it make sense to base the power dynamic on trust and a desire to please? That way the focus is not on the submissive's burning need to have an orgasm, which makes the Dominant just a means to an end. It also means that the submissive is, in the relationship, a person and not just a  medium for a sexual organ.