I've started looking at quiet men in a new light. I've found that you can usually measure a man's inner
insecurity by their boastful stance. Seems those who feel the need to scream
out their identity as
I AM DOM .... HEAR ME ROAR
are rarely all that. Its the,
'Thou doest protest
too much!'thang.
In fact, it seems to be more of a compensation, to hide that soft underbelly WE ALL HAVE. If they'd only be themselves and seek out and expose their vanilla side as well as their darker side with a women, in that
order, then they'd find that soft place of comfort we all seek. Only then, I think, can one feel the security of unconditional love.
Seems I can't get to that place here on CM. They are so
utterly focused on sex that you can't get to their hearts or minds, never the
less share yours. How is one to reach that open state with a man if his heart is closed? How can I know he's to be trusted with my secrets and fears and flaws, if he is hell bent on pretending he has none of his own?
So many preach the mantra of
KNOW THY SUB but only a few loving, but
sometimes crippled souls, follow that philosophy in deed as well as word it seems. Yet even these men are worn raw by their past.
Either way I can't find it within myself to submit to them. Especially when what they offer in return are a
few nights of sexy lustful exploration or great friendship with wonderful cuddles and vibery sex.. Nothing wrong with that, but its simply not enough. I need to know I am cared for, and loved and adored as much as I care for, love and adore them and have that expressed throughout the relationship. To get to that place takes time, sincerity and the wisdom to know that rushing can kill the bud in bloom. That the trip TO the
bedroom is far more important, in the end, then being in bed with someone ... anyone! Am I the only one who smells the desperation in all this?
In my mind, only through
savoring the lessons in becoming EMOTIONALLY intimate can you truly feel that person, as you make love with them ....feeling their skin from within yours. That lovely inside out angst that threatens to rip your heart in pieces cause it means so much to be with that person in that way - that you love them so much
you can't help but fall to your knees and beg for them to own you.
The fact that most of the men I've chatted with here and/or met can't understand, never the less
appreciate this level of relationship tells me that maybe they've never truly
experienced this level of intimacy. Maybe most are so used to these fleeting moments of
sexual intimacy - the act of giving pain and pleasure - that they've decided THAT is love. Their sexuality becomes the 'SAFE' harbor to express their insides, but that can not replace being in love. They seem
unable to find the courage to let down those walls around their hearts long enough to
let someone earn the right to touch them to their very core. They seem to have lost faith in the truth, that only through this, can they for once feel
SOMETHING genuine - that true connection between two people. They are staid with one kinky night of
frolicking and call it dominance. Its not. That's just being a kinky top
for a night. Maybe I am just too romantic for all this. I've been told
that too - that my need to be known and loved is unrealistic and immature - that
I should settle for this sad facsimile they call love or lust or however they
term it. I can't bring myself to do that. It makes no sense to me cause I've
had real love - have had it more than a few times and I won't settle for anything less.
Dominance carries the burden of responsibility with the.
How can they understand a sub like me if they don’t
take the time to teach me their needs as a human being, rather than just cock? How can they get into my head and understand me enough to know when I am in trouble when I am bound and gagged and unable to communicate anymore? Can the dropping of a ball or gag truly express a person's needs when in that euphoric sea of lust and love? Wouldn't you rather look into my eyes, listen to my moans and whimpers and KNOW what they mean, reacting perfectly in unison with me?
THIS TAKES TIME ...
OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM ...
ME KNEELING OBEDIENTLY AT YOUR FEET, WATCHING YOUR FACE AS YOU WATCH MINE ...
US CUDDLED IN DEEP WHISPERS ... LISTENING ... FEELING ... LEARNING.
Without THIS -
A bond with someone equally as committed to that release myself to -
I become agitated and raw, missing the patience and
quiet sensibilities gained by being in the care of a good dominant. Being without this person in my life forces me to become my own best dominant,
so as to protect myself from all the wannabes;
* kinky tops who would
just use and toss aside
*couples seeking free maid service with privileges
*married men wanting naughty sex on the side
*broken men
hoping to gain control over their lives through the control of another
*angry men wanting to demean a woman into a puddle of nothing with glee
* HeWhores who seek non-committal free sex only to compare you,
"jokingly' they say in retrospect, to a prostitute
*Men who meet, inspect, then run, while spouting off in here about the shame of men who practically rape women in the name of the lifestyle .... and gawd .... so
much more.
I
seek a
dominant who is legitimate - meaning healthy, balanced, and not riddled
with profound
insecurities. I’d love to find someone who sees this as just one
more way to grow with his partner. Not perfection or the
poster
boy for domination, but a man who is confident in himself despite his
imperfections. I simply seek a man who craves a subby who also just happens to be an
intelligent, opinionated, successful woman too. Why is it so hard to find a man who wants that woman at
his side, in his mind, in his heart ... AND in his bed? Or are these too 'vanillla' ideals to be stomached? If so, carry on with your blind pursuit of meaningless sexual domination. I have no need or desire for JUST that.
If you want more ... are not satisfied with sex as a replacement for the heart, then IM me.
tessaharrington1@yahoo.com
PS: The friends on my profile are, for the most part, people I've met in RL. I am not a collector of meaningless friendship pictures and have no desire to be a a part for someone else's long list of pictures.
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