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i'm not looking for a "goddess", i'm looking for a woman to treat like one. i'm not looking for someone who feels they must be a greedy bitch and that i have nothing to offer, i'm looking for someone who is not afraid to want of me, or want more. i'm not looking for someone to forever keep me on my knees, i'm looking for someone i can raise on my shoulders.
i'm looking for someone based on the quality of their person and how i feel about them, i am not looking people over based on their fetishes.
i most enjoy people who are down to earth and don't have misguided ideals of superiority, inferiority, people belonging to their 'proper place', or those who have illusions of what people deserve or should be thankful for. if there is one type of person i will abstain from relations with, it is people who live in fantasy and cannot find the appreciation in what is real.
i am basically a loner that wishes he wasn't so alone. i can't help but feel i am seen as unusual in any crowd, even this one. though it usually doesn't feel as if i am standing out as much as simply ending up overlooked like the kid in the back corner of class. this might still be for the better in some ways, as i feel the worst thing someone could possibly do to me is look at me with the same light they look upon others, especially other men.
in my nature i have always been submissive, and spending a small amount of time around me would reveal that i have obvious passive tendencies. i am shy, reserved, modest, and feel the most happy when i can likewise make someone else feel the same. that extends into this realm, it didn't originate from it, it isn't limited to it, and in such things i'm not even necessarily looking for a mistress, domme, or any other namesake, i'm just looking for someone who would be receptive and appreciative of me being the way i am, submissive; rather than endlessly meeting people who wish to dismiss that side of me and try to get me to act more like 'everyone else', or of course having them try to constantly assure me i'm just shy and will get over it in time.
you can mold and shape clay to turn it into any form you want, but you cannot turn the clay into other material. take a good look, this is what you have to work with, if you want something else there's no sense in ever getting your hands dirty.
while submissive in nature and here among a crowd with common interests, the acts of which are so often involved in our relationships or thought to be inherent are hardly of much consequence to me.
i'm not here because i want to wear leather, i'm not here because i want you to, i'm not here because i have an affinity for whips or deviating into any such things, i'm here because i want to give choice and control of where we go to someone else, and i want them to be happy with my choice to do so. every act has potential enjoyment or even psychological satisfaction in the things we do not enjoy, a sense of accomplishment, or a simple means of allowing me to be content with something i've followed through, but my concern is centered on the happiness of those i care about.
many people ask right off 'what do i like to do', well, i like to strive, the real question is what do you like? i simply do things; things of my accord, things for someone else's accord, and in doing so there will be things i like, and things that i will dislike, but i will love knowing, and always love hearing that i didn't 'have' to. the merit i find in acting on someone else's behalf trumps all other things that 'i like' to a degree that my other interests begin to feel petty. and this is the notion that is so often deemed 'mindless'?
want to know what i like to do? i like to draw, watch movies, and be in good company. yes... i know when people ask 'what do i like to do' they're really asking about my sexual desires... well so be it, i like to cuddle, next question.
i'm not inhuman or completely selfless of course, i'm simply happy to inflict a smile upon the people i have any measure of appreciation for, even if it is in the form of a wicked grin. i would be no more opposed to various sexual activities than i would be to any other means of achieving that, and while a relationship of mine may be involving of sex at some point eventually, it will not be a dependency on my part. i'm more concerned about feeling the things in a relationship that not experienced by nerve endings. i think with one head, i'm driven by 'heart', and i will not compromise on the few things in life that could actually be deemed "important".
however, i also do not seek the glorification of petty goals. if my doing some form of simple chore can bring upon a measure of happiness, i would not consider it a wasted effort, but i do not endeavor to only meaninglessly scrape the surface in a relationship. my aspirations fall deeper, i want something of merit, a relationship of significance. i cannot do enough if i am nothing more than a convenience. simple and petty things are not the extent of my capabilities, it is not a matter of what i deserve, nor do i want simply to give you what you deserve, i want to give more, i want to give things that cannot be earned and cannot be deserved. i didn't come here to be looked down upon, or go unappreciated, i came here to find someone who could appreciate me.
here i am called a submissive and taken to simply be without much thought or question, but in the 'vanilla' world people cannot so easily understand me in this way, yet as shaky as those encounters are, i remain the same submissive i am now even if i was in a vanilla relationship. i would remain the same even if i was with someone more submissive in nature than myself, or even if i was single the rest of my life. the only time my being submissive isn't apparent is when the time comes for me to act competitively; like i said, i like to strive~
in communications and relations i'm not opposed to online or face to face contact, but i'm a little leery of new acquaintances that want to blindly leap right from the start. if you wish for me to not be wary of you, then do not hide yourself from me or be obscure. give me reason to trust, or expect me to disappoint.
in light to my fondness to women; although most men just embarrass me, i do not find one gender to have superiority and i do not care if either truly was, though of course neither are. you will not see me professing belief in things like female supremacy, you will rather find me in firm belief of female priority, not because i think they deserve it, but because i want to give it to them. simply put, i find women [ideally speaking] to be the most dear thing that i know, and i am not under the slightest belief that this is simply because i am male.
as logic would suggest, a person is likely to do "almost anything" for what they find most dear, i simply am humble and happy to not refer to doing almost anything for that which is most dear only in regards to a need, or a life and death situation which the phrase is so often used, but to open it up to [their] desires as well.
i consider attraction important, and i am attracted simply to that which is feminine. other than that i can't narrow anything down, i don't hold any prerequisites to the body, it is simply all a case by case basis and despite any qualms about being superficial, the heart wants what the heart wants. it can't be helped, and it is no different for you whether you'll admit to it or not.
as a final concern, do not bother to desire me a slave, and do not wish for me to submit myself entirely, unless you understand what these things mean, know what they require, and it is what you truly want. i will not be kept under such an illusion for long, if at all; i do not role play life. i'm very tired of both the people who use the word slave lightly, and those who put too much merit in the word. i'm also tired of people who are stupid enough to think contracts mean a damn thing or think that people can simply be made property, people have never needed to be 'property' to be 'yours', and if someone could walk away at any time they please they're not a slave, consensual slavery is simply synonymous with submission. remember at the beginning when i said i mesh well with people who are "down to earth and aren't misguided"? if you need the titles master and slave to feel the relation is important, you are a tool; if you force meaning to insignificant things while losing sight of what actually is significant, you are a fool. this type of ignorance is in effect no different from children who still believe in santa claus; you may get what you want, but the merit in the gift is lost to the blind.
and if you've skipped to these last few paragraphs, no i do not care if my profile goes unread before contact, you will find no hidden messages or games inside it, i will never ignore someone for not meeting some sort of requirement, and no messages ever get sent to my bulk mail; i read everything from everyone, and will happily respond to any message that was worth the time it took to send to me. i wrote this for those who care to read it, nothing more or less.
however i am too often asked such things as, "tell me a bit about yourself". i will be disappointed if anyone asks me this any longer. i will be disappointed in myself if i have to actually ponder 'have i said enough?', i will be disappointed if you lack enough prerogative in your motivations to read what i wrote for you, i will be disappointed if you wish to simply test my response of this paragraph, or wish to play mind games or make dismal jokes. i have written this to tell you a lot about myself, that is my intent, and my motivation for typing a profile which is so often said to be 'too long'. if life is said to be short by most accounts, too long doesn't exist when desribing it.
i am of course more than happy to further elaborate, speak of other aspects, or simply tell you more about any curiosities or specifics that you come across and feel like asking about, but i will not distinguish the difference between those wasting my time, and those that wish to see if i will waste theirs by playing games.
i have put myself on display, there is no need to tap the glass to check if i am real.
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as an epilogue to those who have interest, and concerning things i previously hoped i would have no need to mention as far as my interaction with others... as you can see from reading this far, i write in improper lower case almost exclusively for no other reason than because i like it, i find it more pleasant to the eyes, yet even if i were to practice "proper" capitalization, that would mean i also do not "play games" with my shift key and capitalize "master" or "mistress" or any other pronouns referring to them while excluding myself, and even if i did, i would still have no reason to refer to you as mistress every 3 seconds of dialogue. i write as i speak, and i in this i hold; if i wouldn't say to you in person "hello capital m mistress, lowercase i i was just wondering how capital y you are doing?", then i won't be doing so in my writing either. even if i notice that is how you write, it is unlikely i will follow suit and do the same unless i have cause to honor the request. the reason for me writing this isn't to explain myself, it is to allude to the fact that no offense is intended in my writing in such a way, ever. if you insist on taking offense regardless, well... it's of your own accord and i technically can't offer apology for that.
also is the fact that i realize people use the "friends list" feature as a way to keep track of people they wish to stay in touch with or simply keep their eye on. in that light, i won't deny anyone the ability to add me in order to do so if you wish, but again do not blindly take offense when i do not add you as well because i assure you ahead of time, i am not going to; simply, the "friends" feature is not the way i prefer to maintain a list of contacts, nor do i have reason to parade people around on my profile, my profile is long enough without having more to scroll through~
and no, i do not journal, i "profile", and i will edit this profile a million times to make it best speak my mind when/if it changes or needs clarified.
more pertinent... if you're intending to talk to me for any other reason than because you'd enjoy the conversation, i probably don't want to talk to you. that is to say more plainly, if you're interested in or curious about me and want to talk, but consider the possibility that we won't end up being anything more than just friends to be a 'waste of your time', save yourself the trouble and don't even send a 'hello'. i start with friendship first, i refuse to rush, i refuse to tolerate unjustified jealousy, and i refuse to forsake the friends i've already made over the years [or have yet to make] on behalf of someone who just came out of the blue and thinks they can usurp the bonds i have with people i have much stronger ties to. so don't ask me if i want to be in a relationship in your first message, it's an impossibly nonsensical approach to finding someone. if this is how i entered a relationship, you would not be reading this as i would have been whisked away into one long ago.
also, i wouldn't let anyone i know keep me from talking to you, don't even think to tell me i can't talk to them, this is called courtesy. the hypocrisy of the fact that we'd never have had the chance to meet if i honored such requests from people who have no call, let alone any real reason to demand such things is completely absurd. unless there's a proverbial or literal 'collar' around my neck, don't even think to say it. if you're going to write to me something like 'kneel to accept my blah blah blah', then expect, and i mean EXPECT me to educate you on how narrow minded you are.
i'm sorry i even had to mention any such absurd things, but situations have called for it before.
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