Taking a break, please don't bother reading.
Thanks!
I am a 42 year old submissive woman, languishing for the present in the midwest.
I will be perfectly honest with you, whoever you are: I am not sure at this stage to what extent this, wiitwd, is for me. I think it varies with the partner. There are people vis a vis whom I can’t imagine anything less than total enslavement—obedience always and everywhere, in every respect. There are others who are so wonderful in other ways that I can imagine compromising—on the absoluteness of the D/s, or the kinks, or whatever.. The point, I suppose, is that to me the prospect of enslavement, however desirable in the abstract and/or as an ideal, doesn’t trump love and vanilla compatibility. And I am hard to match in vanilla terms. You’ve been warned.
This is the ideal (lifted from my former profile): I seek a sane, strong, well-educated/literate, astute, imaginative, mature (not a code word for any particular age, though I generally prefer someone older than I), experienced, unattached dominant male, who is in it for the long haul, seeking a complete, no-holds-barred commitment and willing to invest the time it takes to get there-- one who understands the responsibilities inherent in taking full control of another person and relishes them as much as he does the pleasures; who understands that complete submission, complete vulnerability, can only come with complete security and complete trust; also, who understands that however obedient, and however willing an accomplice in her own enslavement a submissive may be, some resistance or struggle is inevitable. I seek that struggle, and the growth, intimacy and peace that lie on the far side of it. All of this means that you need to be stronger and smarter than I am. A sense of humor and/or the absurd might come in handy too.
put another way:
all of this needs to flow naturally out of what will work for both parties-- where they have been, where they want to go, how they intersect. And the less jargon employed in drawing conclusions about those things the better. The less jargon, the fewer preconceptions. I know I want an intense, serious, long term relationship that encloses me in a very significant degree of control, where I am owned fully, where all that I am, think, feel, do belongs to my partner, for him to use, mold, enjoy, take care of. The *what* of that is not very negotiable-- if I thought vanilla or a lesser sort of D/s would work for me, I'd go do that. It would be easier. But the *how*, the process and the day to day specifics, is extremely negotiable.
put yet another way:
I seek a pair bond. I seek it the same way any conventional vanilla person might--- I want shared interests and sensibilities, a shared sense of humor, intellectual and emotional connectedness. I want to feel valued... perhaps even loved, by someone whom I value and love. I just happen to want it with a sharp, if not absolute, power imbalance, (And, you know, lots of kinky sex.)
Finally: I care about D/s far more than the BD or SM that flank it. Ultimately, powerlessness is what gets to me (however that is achieved), and to me the BD & SM are merely means to the D/s end.
Do these various formulations appear to contradict each other?
:::shrug::: Welcome to my world.
As for me? Do you need to know more than “submissive woman languishing in the Midwest? I suppose you do. I hope you do.
I have identified myself in the past as “overeducated” and taken flack for it. If you can’t guess why I might use such a label, and perceive a certain self-deprecation in it (alongside a certain pride about having gotten where I am against odds), we are probably not compatible.
I have weird/varied likes/dislikes. On the likes list: Books (esp. old/used). Office supplies. Grapefruit juice, esp. if it comes from a grapefruit growing on a tree in the backyard (not generally an option in Missouri, for good or ill). Practically anything involving spinach. Cats. Shooting pool, esp. in divy bars with random strangers. Single malt scotch. Bollywood. South Park. Rachel Maddow, Keith Olbermann, The New York Times and The Huffington Post. (yes, I'm one of those elitist east coast liberals Rush Limbaugh warned you about.) Extended intense, animated or intimate conversation, that continues to raise smiles or provoke thoughts well into the next day. A million or so things about Japan, which has to be the most endearingly goofy place on the planet. Passion, in any form, from any source.
Things I don’t like: slimy hot weather, or piercing cold wind, though I will tolerate either for a good cause. Liars, triflers, backstabbers, people who are hellbent on having cake and eating it too, opportunistic obfuscating, malignant cluelessness. Decisions (*big* one). Loud noise. Whiny children. Grade crossings. Looking for things that are lost. Potential unfulfilled.
My top five favorite movies at the moment are Aguirre, the Wrath of God, Fitzcarraldo, Amelie, Notorious, Lagaan. But they change and/or shift around frequently.
My top three favorite books are Ulysses, The Tale of Genji, and Clarissa. I like my fictions long and complex.
If you cannot judge something about me from all this, again, we are probably not compatible. If you can? come tell me your own likes and dislikes.
Blah (again). I’m fairly certain there is no point in this. It’s just going to draw critical idiots. But I’ll post it and see what happens.
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